An Invitation Template
The following is a Strongility-provided service available for public usage. Feel free to use it as a template for your own invitations, simply filling in the [bracketed sections] with information germane to your event.
Dear [Silent Kyle],
We will be hosting a gathering on [September 24] to which you and your family are invited. It will be in the evening at [808 Foggy River Lane]. The specific location is a [likely somewhat decrepit lean-to behind the barn] at said address.
A. Please bring the following:
- A food or beverage item to share. (No high fructose corn syrup, please.)
- A penchant for adventure.
- A poem or story to read aloud. (author at your discretion)
- A sleeping bag if you wish to spend the night.
B. Not allowed:
- Foul and/or demeaning language.
- Acting like an idiot due to overindulgence in alcoholic beverages.
- Any pathetic behavior including but not limited to: failure to be nice, irritability, oozing wounds accompanied by B-1 (oozing wounds accompanied by A-2 are acceptable), lack of swimming apparel, and incapacitating fear of biting insects.
- Inviting anyone else without the express verbal or written consent of The Company (hereinafter referred to as The Company).
Since The Company will be traveling from [New Mexico] for this event, we regret to inform you that we can not provide transportation, diapers, snowshoes, or laxatives.
If A-3 seems intimidating , see the last two words in B-3; you may feel better.
Soap and river water will be provided by your hosts. To confirm your reservation, reply to this address with “Happyland” in the subject line.
Caveats and Cautions
If the general tone of this e-mail causes you to have itching, rash or frantic concerns for your well-being accompanied by regret at not being “outdoorsy”, you have probably received this communique in error and are advised to delete it immediately, reach for the nearest remote control, and settle back into your comfortable recliner-like existence.
The Company apologizes while accepting no responsibility for damages, distress or pangs of conscience resulting from the perusal of this missive.
The Company hereby declares itself exempt of liability for any discomfort arising from attendance at this event.
If you are a sissy or malcontent, if you think difficulty to be unpleasant or hardship to be intolerable, reconsider acceptance of this invitation.
Guerdons and Gains
On the other hand, if you or your wife, child, husband or great-grand uncle have at any time caught and sang the sun in flight, been the men who don’t fit in, or laughed at things of which mere mortals quiver to think, you will undoubtedly enjoy this event and should accept with alacrity!
You will be fortified and revivified, stilted mundanity will slough off of your soul, and your mind will be the better for having been present!
In the event of rain or snow, the location of this gathering will be wet and/or snowy.
The first responder to this invitation will be the winner of a Little Black Creek Skinny-Dipping Adventure Package! (wardrobe provided by The Company).
Second and third responders will be joint winners of a pair of lightly used Smartwool socks! (Be sure to share, boys!)